This is a guest post from my friend Jeremy .
As I hopped out of my helicopter after a round of golf with the President that I live-updated on my news feed, I noticed a large and oddly shaped package outside my door. It seemed to be in the shape of some sort of four-legged creature, and while I couldn’t see it’s makeup underneath the yellow tissue paper wrapped around its entire being, it weighed about a gazillion pounds, so I knew it was the real deal. Ripping off the packaging, I was shocked at what I found: A golden calf, in all its biblical glory.
Of course, the first thing that popped into my mind was, “how the heck am I going to get this thing inside my apartment.” My second thought was, “who the heck sent me a golden calf.”
Then I remembered what I had posted on facebook the week before, about the absence of G-d in my life. Attached to the calf’s tail, in bright pink, was a note: So you’ll have something towards which you can pray.
I was so offended, I couldn’t put it into words. So instead I instagrammed it. I also tweeted out and posted my Instagram on facebook, to get maximum traction. Only took me an hour to get 50 aggregate likes. Booyakasha.
As soon as I stopped looking at my phone, I realize there was still this many-hundred pound glimmering behemoth before me. Unsure of what to do, I started a thread on reddit with a picture of the calf, reaching out to the depths of the web to find the proper response. Ideas began flowing in from all over.
Melt it down and give it to the poor! Chop off its head! Bring it to Shul! Vascillating between the practical and the absurd, the Internet gods were smiling upon me either way: for the first time, I made it to Reddit’s “hot” tab.
Pulling myself out of my 4 inch screen, I realized that the sun was setting, Shabbes was coming, and I had been standing on my stoop for three hours. I dragged the calf inside, filled with plans to rid it from my midst as soon as possible. And as ridiculous as this whole experience had been, frankly, it made me feel very grateful. How wonderful it is that, unlike civilizations past, I am in no way beholden to any form of idolatrous worship. I am free to be who I am. Actually, maybe I’ll make that my Golden Calf meme.
The smell of Shabbes was in the air. It was time to make my final preparations. So I took a shower, put on my best clothes, and turned off my phone---but not before putting up my away message on all my pertinent accounts, lest the interweb get jealous that I had left her forever.
FIN
I think that for some people, social media is their golden calf. What's your golden calf?
As I hopped out of my helicopter after a round of golf with the President that I live-updated on my news feed, I noticed a large and oddly shaped package outside my door. It seemed to be in the shape of some sort of four-legged creature, and while I couldn’t see it’s makeup underneath the yellow tissue paper wrapped around its entire being, it weighed about a gazillion pounds, so I knew it was the real deal. Ripping off the packaging, I was shocked at what I found: A golden calf, in all its biblical glory.
Of course, the first thing that popped into my mind was, “how the heck am I going to get this thing inside my apartment.” My second thought was, “who the heck sent me a golden calf.”
Then I remembered what I had posted on facebook the week before, about the absence of G-d in my life. Attached to the calf’s tail, in bright pink, was a note: So you’ll have something towards which you can pray.
I was so offended, I couldn’t put it into words. So instead I instagrammed it. I also tweeted out and posted my Instagram on facebook, to get maximum traction. Only took me an hour to get 50 aggregate likes. Booyakasha.
As soon as I stopped looking at my phone, I realize there was still this many-hundred pound glimmering behemoth before me. Unsure of what to do, I started a thread on reddit with a picture of the calf, reaching out to the depths of the web to find the proper response. Ideas began flowing in from all over.
Melt it down and give it to the poor! Chop off its head! Bring it to Shul! Vascillating between the practical and the absurd, the Internet gods were smiling upon me either way: for the first time, I made it to Reddit’s “hot” tab.
Pulling myself out of my 4 inch screen, I realized that the sun was setting, Shabbes was coming, and I had been standing on my stoop for three hours. I dragged the calf inside, filled with plans to rid it from my midst as soon as possible. And as ridiculous as this whole experience had been, frankly, it made me feel very grateful. How wonderful it is that, unlike civilizations past, I am in no way beholden to any form of idolatrous worship. I am free to be who I am. Actually, maybe I’ll make that my Golden Calf meme.
The smell of Shabbes was in the air. It was time to make my final preparations. So I took a shower, put on my best clothes, and turned off my phone---but not before putting up my away message on all my pertinent accounts, lest the interweb get jealous that I had left her forever.
FIN
I think that for some people, social media is their golden calf. What's your golden calf?
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